Sunday, September 28, 2008

Story time...

After I told my RE that I was going to do clomid (or more like his stuck-up nurse) they decided that I couldn't come to them for monitoring this cycle, and I would have to go to the Dr. who prescribed the clomid. Well, seeing as I didn't want to be crappily monitored by an OB who only THINKS he's good at dealing with IF, I had to skip the trigger shot. I was only a little disappointed and decided to go back to OPKs twice a day from CD 10 on.

Well, assuming that I would ovulate earlier because of the clomid (I took it days 3-7) I only bought 1 box. By CD 13, I had not yet had anywhere near a positive read, so I decided I would go back and buy another box. Of course, all day, I forgot about it and didn't remember until 8:15 pm (my deadline for testing the second time each day is 9 pm).

So, back to Wal.mart I go, and of course, they are out of Blu.e OPKs... and of course, that's the only brand my clinic will accept for accurate results. So, now that I am in a panic (and having to pee horribly) I tried another store... nope, then another, they didn't have any either. So, I raced to the next nearest store hoping that they carried my brand. All the way into the store (it's almost 9 by this point) I am praying that, please... if this is my month PLEASE let them carry CBE. I walked through the aisles searching for that rectangular blue box, and lo and behold, there it was. I almost cried. And then I looked at the price tag. $7.00 more than I normally pay. Seeing as I had only had enough cash on me to pay the Wal.mar.t price, I continued to pray as I counted my change.

I sqeaked by, by 17 cents. I thanked my lucky stars, and continued on with testing twice a day.

In the meantime, I had been fighting my insurance over reimbursing me for the IUI we did in June. They are supposed to cover 90% of the costs, but for some reason (mainly a lack of communication between departments)they had denied the claim twice, regardless of the fact that I had a pre-approval number, and every ounce of documentation they had requested. The last time I talked to them, on Sept. 2, I was assured that it was all taken care of and I would recieve a check no later than the 21st. Without it, this IUI would not be possible for us financially. Sept. 21st came and went, and no check. I called again on Friday, and was told that the claim was applied to my out-of-network deductible, and they would process an appeal, but it would take 30 days for a resolution.

But then, at roughly 4:00 today, I got a glowing "positive" OPK. The test line was showing before the control line had even been reached.

Of course, I was excited to get such a clear positive, but at the same time, disappointed that we would have to go the "natural" route instead of an IUI (no offense, honey).

Tonight we went to a family dinner at DH's parents house and came home about an hour ago. While pulling in the drive way, I realized that we failed to check the mail yesterday, so DH went out and got it.

In the mess of advertisements and junk mail, laid an envelope from Blue X Blue Shei.ld for exactly 90% of the costs of an IUI.

So, with a bit of renewed faith, and a hell of a lot of hope, we are going in for IUI #5 tomarrow.

It seems like God may finally be on our side this cycle. Hopefully, he doesn't change his mind. Wish us luck!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

It's time to Stand.

Alright girls. This is where it gets good.

I'm back. In every sense of the word. I'm (almost) fully recovered from my surgery, I'm back on the TTC bandwagon, and I'm feeling more determined than ever. I think there may be an end to what will now be know as my "dark" period. That's not to say that my emotions aren't sometimes a little tender, but I'm feeling much more like the pre-m/c Meim.

I called my RE last week and informed him (really... I didn't ask, I TOLD him) that I was going to be taking clomid days 3-7 and I would like to discuss a trigger shot with him before my next IUI that should fall somewhere between the 29th and the 1st. He's not a big fan of me using clomid, seeing as this will be my 21st attempt, but I really feel like I need to do this. Most of the 20 rounds before now were with the help of a different (and dare I say, less competent) Dr., who although I love him dearly and will be going to him to monitor my pregnancy (yes... I meant to say that as if it's inevitable), he's not so great in the IF department. I am going to a much more successful clinic, who managed to help me get pregnant WITHOUT drugs or ultrasounds. After almost 5 years, they did it on the first try. Regretfully, that pregnancy is what ended in m/c, but still... they get points for the accomplishment.

Ladies, I can't even express how close I feel. I have never felt this way.. and it is scaring the holy crap out of me. Yes, I feel invigorated, but at the same time so incredibly nervous.

Now, I know that I've had a bit of a spiritual crisis as of late, but I feel like I may not have a choice anymore. I can't help but feel like someone is watching over me right now. There are things I KNOW, and I can't rationalize them. I have no reason for being hopeful. None. But I KNOW that it is close. Very close. Maybe not this cycle, but I feel as though it will be within 3. And I KNOW it will stick. I'm not sure why I feel this way and man, will it suck if I have to eat my words come December; but I WILL try again.

I can only foresee one bump in the road. December 18th. The day that is still highlighted on my calendar with the words "Baby Due". I will cry that day, regardless of my current state. It will be my day of remembering "the one who got away".

So, here we go. Blindly following an invisible guide that tells me what I "know".

This should be good.

Oh yeah, and I've picked a theme song ('cuz that's how I roll.. lol):

Monday, September 1, 2008

With a Grateful Heart

So you're probably wondering about surgery, so I'll get to that in a minute but first...

O-M-G!!! You know that feeling when you meet, or see a favorite celebrity in real life, whether it be at a concert or on the street? That stupid excitement that you are embarassed to admit you feel? Yeah, well... that's how I felt when I saw Niobe and Penny's comments on MY blog. I love to have comments of ANY KIND, but these two exceptional ladies make me laugh, think, and sometimes cry, on a daily basis. I am completely addicted to their blogs, and I felt so honored that they read my lame-brain posts. (Niobe, I am convinced that you should be a writer. 100%)

I hope that everyone who stumbles upon my little corner of the blogosphere feels welcome and appreciated. I am so grateful for all your comments. I LOVE to hear from all of you! I was just very humbled to have these women who are my blogging celebrities read my blog. Okay... enough of that.


I am going to have a laparotomy on Friday (time TBA). The surgeon that I met with told me that he is 99.9% sure that it is a endometrioma that is causing the pain. I was so relieved that it is something that can be fixed! Usually, you aren't all that excited to find out that there is something wrong with your insides, but this actually made me feel so relieved. I am sure that I will have a quick recovery, and I'm not really nervous at all. I am going to make one more appointment with the surgeon before Friday so that I can ask a few questions, but it's strictly a formality.

Again, thank you all for your comments, especially Nity, and Hope2marrow. You buoy me more than I can tell you! I am beyond grateful (and yet so terribly sad) that you understand. I love you girls!