Thursday, September 10, 2009


Isn't it amazing how deeply we can be hurt by those we love, when they aren't even meaning to?

You'd think that my family would understand certain things about me. Especially when it comes to pregnancies, right? Apparently, not so. My SIL recently announced that she is expecting her first child (she is approx. 8 wks.) This is a HUGE deal, because they have been trying for almost as long as we have. This is her first pregnancy and of course, I'm nervous out of my mind for her. Granted, I'm a bit jaded, but that's understandable, right? I haven't shown anything but excitement for her. Honestly. I want this for her almost as much as I want it for myself.

Well, today was her first OB appointment and viability ultrasound. It was at 4:45. I talked to her yesterday and made her promise to call me as soon as her appointment was over and let me know what happened. She agreed. Well, by 6 I still hadn't gotten a call, so I called her. No answer. Well, maybe they went to dinner. I'll try back later. 8:00, I try again. Still no answer. Okay, now I'm getting nervous. I hope she didn't get bad news. PLEASE, let it be that she left her phone at home. 9:30, I call again. NO ANSWER... what the hell? Now I'm freaking out. I left her another voicemail and decided to try another approach. I called her husband. Here is how our conversation went:

Me: Hi, (BIL). How are you?
BIL: I'm fine, but my phone's battery is going to die because you've called so much (absolutely no hint of sarcasm.)
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't I only call you once?
BIL: Well, okay, mine and (SIL)'s phone.
Me: Sorry.
BIL: (sounding irritated)How about we just tell you what we found out and what happens when we see you tomorrow, okay?
Me (stunned): kaaay?
BIL: Have a good night. (Hangs up.)

So, now I sit here in a ball of nerves, fighting tears. All I needed to hear was "everything is okay, we'll give you details tomorrow." I just need to know everything is alright.

I have had 2 miscarriages in the last 17 months. I just need to know that her baby is okay. That everything will be fine, and she won't have to go through the same nightmare that I have been going through.

I have been so worried about her since she announced. Their family has a history of factor V (a clotting disorder) and yet, (SIL) hasn't been tested. There are some other issues that make me worry as well because I know that they increase her odds of a m/c.

Oh, and did I mention that I suffer from a panic disorder? Seriously. 2 pills a day just to keep me sane.

I just need to know it's okay. That she's okay, that her baby's okay. I really love my SIL. I want the best for her and her baby, and it kills me that he was so cold to me about it.

Am I being too pushy? How should I handle this? I don't want to see them tomorrow and instantly burst into tears, but I can totally see that happening. I don't want to look like a drama queen, but I can so see that happening. What should I do?


JuliaS said...

Ouch is right. I don't know how close you are to bil/sil - they may not feel completely comfortable with very personal feelings yet? When you have firsthand experience of the bad things that can happen, it is very painful to think of it happening to someone you love and care for - I find your reaction to be similar to mine in the same kind of situations. Other people just don't get as worried - but for us, it's hard not to be overwhelmed by it.

Hoping that all is well and that it is just a bit of insensitivity. You said they have been trying as long as you have, so they may be feeling rather guarded.

{{hugs}} I wish I knew of something brilliant that would make situations like this easier.

Mo and Will said...

Ugh! I can't believe them! It was mean of him not to relieve your anxiety when he finally picked up. Geez, how hard is it to just send you a text if they don't want to talk! I'm so sorry.