I have never been part of a book club, so this was a completely new experience for me. I loved this book, and have purchased some extra copies to give to friends and family (you can too! Just follow the link on my sidebar!) that are struggling with infertility.
I hope I did this right, and I apologize if my answers aren't clear. For some reason, I felt like I was writing a term paper or something. I always stumbled through those.... sorry.
Here are my answers:
Chapters four and five cover the issues of telling others about your IF struggles and handling the comments if you do. What approach (proactive, reactive, evasive, or lying) have you used with your close friends and family? If you have told, have you gotten any surprising reactions, and how have you handled those? If you haven't told, has this omission created any friction as people make assumptions or comments about your lack of pregnancy?
Most of the time, I tend to be pretty open about my infertility if the subject of babies every comes up. However, there are those in my family that I just plain don't want to talk to about it. To those people I tend to be pretty evasive. I'm sure it just comes off as me being a bitch, but I'm okay with that. ;)
For those that I have told, most are pretty stunned. The first question I get is usually, "Did you have a hard time getting pregnant with LJ?" Of course, they have no idea what secondary infertility is, so that's usually starts the conversation. I'm happy to talk about it (to most people) as long as I can make it as impersonal as possible. Even though I am telling people of our experiences with infertility, I tend to detach myself from what I am saying. I spout off statistics, and talk about options, but they are very generalized. I guess it still hasn't sunk in even after 6 years that it is US that I am talking about. Instead of saying "when we have done (fill in the blank procedure)", I say " When people are going through (fill in the blank procedures)". It makes it easier for me to discuss.
What part of the Land of IF are you currently residing in, & do you think Melissa paints an accurate picture of the situation there?
I am currently residing in the "Secondary Unexplained Infertility with Recurrent Pregnancy Loss" neighborhood. We're a diverse bunch.
When Melissa was describing the differences between Primary and Secondary Infertility, she wrote that those going through secondary infertility "know what they're missing...". I was so grateful that she spun it in a way that it was clear that this is not always a good thing. I had to put the book down because I was tearing up so badly that I couldn't see through my tears. It was wonderfully gratifying to have someone else say what I feel. It was only a few words, without further explanation, but it was wonderful to see.
Chapter 7's opening page also left me an emotional wreck. Because both of my loses were early on, I have very much felt like I was expected to just move on; no big deal... get over it. But I haven't felt that way. Each loss was horrible, but in different ways. In reading the chapter, I really felt Melissa's understanding, and it made me feel better about my own thoughts on miscarriage. I felt more accepted, if that makes sense.
I think that Melissa did an excellent job of explaining what each type of fertility is, and the options that are available.
Did you read the whole book, or skip the parts that you feel don’t apply to your situation? For example, if you are not entertaining adoption or living child-free as options right now, did you skip those parts? If you read them, did you discover anything about those options that you hadn’t understood prior to reading the book?
Actually, I feel kind of guilty. I skipped most of the parts discussing the different procedures, or options that I am not yet looking into. I find that I get overwhelmed with all the "possibilities" surrounding infertility. It still hurts to think that these are options that I may have to consider. It took me 4 years before I had the courage to try IUI. I'm still stuck on the thought that this was not supposed to happen to me. So I guess I figured those parts of the book were not applicable. Yet.
Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/). You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: Moose by Stephanie Klein.
(ETA: I'm sorry I haven't got to anyone's blogs yet to comment. I been taking care of my Dad all week, and by the time I get home I am too exhausted to even think of blogging. He has all but lost the use of his right leg, and we are just waiting for his surgery to repair a back injury. He is very down, and scared to death so I've been trying to keep his spirits up. I am not avoiding anyone, and I really am going to comment, it's just that family comes first. I'm sure you understand. Please be patient with me. I promise to get to them all soon. Thanks!)