Friday, June 5, 2009

Take that, Webster!

I am an incredibly private person when it comes to a particular part of my life, namely my sex life. That thing that is between myself and my husband, that I do not discuss with anyone else. Information that I completely refuse to divulge, even if it has a pregnancy riding on its coattails. And that, my friends, is all you will hear about it. While this post will be strictly dedicated to the "s" word, I have a new spin on things. Well, at least I think it's new.

Secks. Yep, that's what I really want to define. So here's my best attempt:

secks:
n, (abbr. "ck")

1. An activity in which it is intended for sperm to meet egg in a biological fashion. The sole purpose is procreation without assistance from medically developed sources. (i.e. artificial insemination, in-vitro fertilization)

And there you have it. My contribution to the english language.

It has SO MANY applications! Really! All expectations are laid out there in the open. This is where it is completely acceptable to pair the word "just" with this intimate act; as in "it was just secks". You can't say, "it was just sex"! Sex is, (at least to me) a completely emotional expression of love that one only engages in as an expression of deep respect and adoration. It has absolutely nothing to do with science or reproduction (although some get lucky and actually get pregnant this way...). In fact, I am officially banning science from sex. The two are no longer allowed to be related. Period. Secks and science on the other hand, is completely different.

This way, there is no need to tippy-toe around anything. You can inform your husband that, "Hey, I got a positive on my OPK today. We need to have ck tonight and tomarrow morning to increase our chances." This is a clear message of what is expected; nothing fancy. No candlelights or soft music, no sweet-nothings being whispered to one another. It is something that HAS to be done if you want to get pregnant the old fashioned way. Ck is not something where you can say you're "not in the mood", use the headache excuse, or complain that you have to get up early the next morning. This is CK! It is non-negotiable! Because, really, how many times have you had one of those days, you know the ones... car broke down, dog ran away, your best friend announced she's expecting, and your husband did something that REALLY pissed you off. And to top it all off, you had a major temp. dip this morning, and a glaringly positive OPK. Lovely. You are totally NOT IN THE MOOD, and the last thing you want to do it miss out on your precious sleep. Well, no problem! This is just secks! The very definition of "wham-bam-thankyouma'am!" Crisis averted.

It's okay. I know your stunned silence is only perpetuated by your overwhelming gratitude. Glad I could help.

7 comments:

Hope2morrow said...

OMG! What a great post! Love it! Thank you for making me smile today!

Searching for Serenity said...

Here from LFCA/Kirtsy

Bravo. So funny!

areyoukiddingme said...

Excellent!

callmemama said...

"In fact, I am officially banning science from sex."

Amen to that. Lovely post, had me smiling :)

KLTTX said...

Ha! Great post.

Celia said...

When we were smack in the middle of moving from our apartment into our house, and we were exhausted, and filthy and hungry- I had very clear ovulation signs.

I told my husband it was his lucky day. We need to have "ck". he looked at me, he looked at the 10 different things we still had to do. He looked at me. "well.. it doesn't have to be GOOD "ck". Sigh.

It was either a new high as a couple in our commitment to parenthood, or a new low in our bedroom life. Hard to say.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT THE VERIFICATION WORD FOR THIS IS "RANDE". snort.

Lorza said...

I LOVE IT!!! Hew funny!!!