Sunday, May 16, 2010

Cycle 84

Forgive me for not giving details sooner, but talking about it made it so much more real and for me.. scary. I had to get through this in private. This step was a HUGE deal for me, and I have been beyond scared. Thanks for understanding.

When AF finally arrived (the day my nephew was born... nice, huh?) we decided to move on. To do this we had to change doctors. I was completely not okay with that since I absolutely LOVE my RE, but his office does not take insurance and we simply couldn't afford to move on without our coverage.

Here's how things went:

4/19 CD3: Meet with Dr. H. He pressures me to move straight to IVF to minimize the risk of another ectopic. When I refuse, and tell him of my reasons he agrees to move forward with my RR's suggestion of moving on to FSH injections with IUI. (To clarify, Dr. H is a well respected RE. I just don't feel as comfortable with him as I do with Dr. P, who will be referred to as my REAL RE [RR]) I secretly decide to cycle with Dr. H for insurance reasons, but (if I get that far) to continue my care with my RR, who accepts my insurance during early pregnancy.

At this visit, I have 7 antral follicles on my right side, but my left ovary is not visible on u/s. Here is our plan:

CD3-7: 5mg Femara
This makes me sicker than I thought possible. Migraines every morning, and
extreme nausea. I lose 8 lbs. in 4 days. Tell DH that if this doesn't work, I'm not doing
it again. I can't handle the side effects. I'd GLADLY take Clomid over Femara.

CD7: 112 U Gonal-F
This wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be. It is a freakin' cake-walk after
doing PIO injects.

CD9: 112 U Gonal-F
Start to feel a little bit "heavy" on my right side. Proactively start drinking ungodly
amounts of sports drinks and water, just in case. I'm still getting lovely headaches, but
the nausea is pretty much gone, but I still haven't found my appetite.

CD11: 112 U Gonal-F
This one hurts. And that nausea... apparently it went on a mini-vacation, but it's back. Oh, joy. I get a terrible sense that this isn't going to end well. I'm going to have to cancel this cycle, I just
know it.

CD12: Follicle check to determine trigger
2 large Follies (Internal happy-dance commences.) R- 17.73 mm L- 18 mm. He doesn't mention other follies, but I can see them on the U/S, but they are MUCH smaller than the 2 main ones. Lining 14. Dr. H says everything looks great, my lining is "
very good," and explains that anything over 8 is good enough for implantation. Although I'm starting to see darker lines on my OPKs, he tells me to trigger sub-Q tonight. IUI scheduled for CD 14. OMG... this is happening!

CD13: Go about my day as usual, trying not to give anything away by grimmacing anytime anything touches my stomach. Trigger left a nice bruise, and makes me feel like I got punched in the tummy.

CD14: DH's sample has improved considerably from our last IUI. 66 million, 89% motility, 18 million total motile count post wash. (Guess the FertilAid helped!) IUI goes perfectly. No pain, no cramping, nothing. By 3:00 pm I am miserable. My abdomen swells, and I can't walk without being very uncomfortable. I start having some really "fun" digestive issues, and decide to call it a day. I spend the rest of the day in bed.

CD15: I have gained 4 lbs since yesterday, and am still all puffy and sore. Dr. tells DH that what I am feeling is comparable "to knocking around really swollen testicles." The look on his face was priceless. Dr. tells me to take Tylenol and drink plenty of fluids. He also says that this "could be a good sign."

CD17: Feeling much better. Almost back to normal. Theorize that the gross feeling I had was just the effects of ovulating.

CD19: Decide that this will be the LONGEST 2WW ever!

CD20: POAS just to see a companion pink line. The line is pretty faint, guess trigger is almost gone.

CD23, 9DPO: POAS... to make sure the trigger is gone. Yeah, that's why. See a faint line (okay, so what if it was
10 hours after I peed on it? And who cares that DH could only see the line after I used photoshop to inverse the picture? It counts, right? Okay, fine. I didn't think so, either!)

CD 24, 10 DPO: POAS again. It's a sickness, I tell ya! BFN. What a shocker. Feeling a little discouraged. (See, this is why I shouldn't do this!)

CD 25, 11 DPO: POAdamnS! Anyone know of any 12-step programs for this affliction? I need help! BFN again (later an evap line appears.) I spend 1/2 hour typing "am I pregnant" into any and all online magic 8 ball's I find. The verdict? 8- "maybe," 2- "ask again later," and 1- "my sources say no." Then I find the "real" magic 8 ball. 16 that said "count on it." Don't believe me? Here's the link Let's just forget about the "without a doubt" answer I got when I asked it, "are you lying?"

CD26, 12DPO: 2 days in a row of evap lines. I'm feeling quite discouraged. Why do I do this to myself? Pretty sure this cycle is a bust.

CD27, 13DPO: Still BFN. I doubt I'll do a beta at all. I decide to quit the PIO in the morning. We'll see what happens. I have my nurse order more Gonal-F. Looks like we're on to cycle 85 soon.

CD29, 15DPO: Nurse leaves message telling me that Dr. H would like me to do the beta regardless of my hpt results. We need to rule out low numbers.

CD30, 16DPO: Beta: 3.64 Cycle 84 is officially a failure.

And the journey continues...


Annie said...

That is a big step. I was hoping all along as a read it that there would be some very happy news at the bottom.

I've also been told several time to move to IVF but resisted, and now I'm regretting it. REALLY regretting it! Turns out we're going there after all and now we have to do it on unemployment and COBRA insurance, as if IVF wasn't stressful enough by itself!

Is IVF feasible for you at all? Since you've been trying for SO long it's really worth giving it some serious consideration.

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Sorry this cycle was a bust. Sounds like you have been through the wringer laterly. ((HUGS))

Michelle said...

I'm sorry. Every time hurts. :(

Ashley said...

Boo! I'm sure you like this news much less than I do, but I am so sorry. I think I am in agreement with Annie about IVF. What are your new clinic's numbers like? I'm here to talk if you want...

Thinking of you and hugs, friend!