Really, I don't even know where to begin.
In preparation for my SIL, J's baby shower, I offered to help my SIL, K with the dessert that she was going to bring. She is admittedly not the best cook, and so I thought I would help her out. I went over to her house Friday afternoon so that we could get them done.
K is also pregnant. She has been the only one of my SIL's that I felt actually cared about my feelings. She hasn't flaunted her pregnancy, and has only brought it up if asked. She has been really awesome, so I didn't mind at all being around her. The sting is still there when I glance at her just-now-emerging-belly, but I have managed to push the feelings aside. K is the one that found out recently the gender of her baby. A boy. While making the desserts I asked her (probably for the 10th time since finding out she was pregnant) if they had a name picked out. Her eyes dropped to the table and she told me the name they have chosen. "C_____ ______ ______"
My heart stopped.
"No!" I yelled, mostly out of shock. K, giggles and says "what?"
"That's our name." I tell her.
K giggles more, and replies "oh, sorry."
I think she's joking. I have been VERY verbal about our use of that name. Whenever the topic has come up, (as all of us girls know happens A LOT, especially in a room full of preggos) I have told them all that we will name our son C. Not "We really like the name C", or "We are thinking of naming our first son C" but "We ARE naming our son C" and "The ONLY name we have decided on is C."
I waited a minute to see if she says anything. She doesn't. Then it sinks in. She's not kidding.
"I totally thought you were joking." I say.
More giggles, then "Sorry." Silence. "So, are we going to go pick up something to eat?"
I am devastated. In complete shock, and ready to melt into the ground.
I take her to pick something up, but I am too nauseous to eat. I brought her back to her house, quickly showed her how to make the dessert, and then excuse myself to come home. I didn't say anything else about the name. I not only needed time to process it, but also wondered if maybe she had forgotten, or somehow didn't know about us using the name.
When I walked in the door, DH was on the phone... with his mother. He was visibly frustrated. Apparently, when I had left K's house she had called her husband, DH's brother, and told him that I was upset. He then called their mom, who then called DH. (can you say "SPINELESS?")
My MIL told DH that they had known that we were going to be upset, and had been scared to tell us. She said that K has really liked the name C since she was a little girl, and that if we really like the name, there is no law that says we can't use it, too.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?! Not only did they know we had chosen the name, but they knew we'd be upset. AND THEY DID IT ANYWAY!!!
If K had liked the name so much, why is it that in all the times we had discussed names, she never mentioned it? It's not because I was unapproachable about it. Another SIL spoke up when we were discussing names and said that she really liked that name, too, and that it was high on their list of possibilities. She and I discussed it, WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAS AROUND and found that there were actually 2 names that we both had interest in. I told her that C was more important to me than the other name (it was a girl's name) and that I would happily give up the other name, if she'd do the same with C. She agreed. (Which works out well, because she is having a girl and has actually chosen that name for their daughter.) So, I know that K knew that I was willing to discuss these kinds of things in a civil, and polite manner. I am all for compromise. I am one to always try to meet in the middle, but not now. I KNOW that this name isn't nearly as important to K. She obviously likes it, but still. She should have known it was off limits.
I don't have the words to express how deeply hurt, and offended I am. It is not just a name to me. C IS MY SON. Whether on this earth or not, that is my son's name. It has been for years. I cannot fathom seeing their son, and calling him C. It makes my heart hurt. We have placed soooo much hope into that name. It is beyond comprehension that they would take that from us. This baby that we have tried so hard for, have gone through so much to have, and continue to work for has had his name stolen. And by people that we love.
The thing that gets me the most is that there is NO DOUBT that they knew. They know how much that name means to us. It is the ONLY name I have ever used to refer to our son. As in "When we finally get to bring our little C home..." or when asked about a cycle or pregnancy, "I hope we finally get our C."
As for my MIL's suggestion that we both use the name... yeah right. The babies would have the same first and last name and although they would have different middle names, we don't want to call our son by his middle name. It's not a possibility with their son either since his middle name will be my BIL's name. Too confusing. And we all know that full names are reserved for when you child is in trouble. It wouldn't be so bad if his family weren't so close, but that isn't the case.
I will never forget this and I will never forgive them. When they chose that name, they chose to end our relationship. Plain and simple.
I don't know what else to say. I have NEVER been more hurt... BY ANYONE, than I am over this.
How would you handle this?