Monday, June 29, 2009

Barren Bitches Book Brigade: Navagating the Land of IF

I have never been part of a book club, so this was a completely new experience for me. I loved this book, and have purchased some extra copies to give to friends and family (you can too! Just follow the link on my sidebar!) that are struggling with infertility.

I hope I did this right, and I apologize if my answers aren't clear. For some reason, I felt like I was writing a term paper or something. I always stumbled through those.... sorry.

Here are my answers:

Chapters four and five cover the issues of telling others about your IF struggles and handling the comments if you do. What approach (proactive, reactive, evasive, or lying) have you used with your close friends and family? If you have told, have you gotten any surprising reactions, and how have you handled those? If you haven't told, has this omission created any friction as people make assumptions or comments about your lack of pregnancy?

Most of the time, I tend to be pretty open about my infertility if the subject of babies every comes up. However, there are those in my family that I just plain don't want to talk to about it. To those people I tend to be pretty evasive. I'm sure it just comes off as me being a bitch, but I'm okay with that. ;)

For those that I have told, most are pretty stunned. The first question I get is usually, "Did you have a hard time getting pregnant with LJ?" Of course, they have no idea what secondary infertility is, so that's usually starts the conversation. I'm happy to talk about it (to most people) as long as I can make it as impersonal as possible. Even though I am telling people of our experiences with infertility, I tend to detach myself from what I am saying. I spout off statistics, and talk about options, but they are very generalized. I guess it still hasn't sunk in even after 6 years that it is US that I am talking about. Instead of saying "when we have done (fill in the blank procedure)", I say " When people are going through (fill in the blank procedures)". It makes it easier for me to discuss.

What part of the Land of IF are you currently residing in, & do you think Melissa paints an accurate picture of the situation there?

I am currently residing in the "Secondary Unexplained Infertility with Recurrent Pregnancy Loss" neighborhood. We're a diverse bunch.

When Melissa was describing the differences between Primary and Secondary Infertility, she wrote that those going through secondary infertility "know what they're missing...". I was so grateful that she spun it in a way that it was clear that this is not always a good thing. I had to put the book down because I was tearing up so badly that I couldn't see through my tears. It was wonderfully gratifying to have someone else say what I feel. It was only a few words, without further explanation, but it was wonderful to see.

Chapter 7's opening page also left me an emotional wreck. Because both of my loses were early on, I have very much felt like I was expected to just move on; no big deal... get over it. But I haven't felt that way. Each loss was horrible, but in different ways. In reading the chapter, I really felt Melissa's understanding, and it made me feel better about my own thoughts on miscarriage. I felt more accepted, if that makes sense.

I think that Melissa did an excellent job of explaining what each type of fertility is, and the options that are available.

Did you read the whole book, or skip the parts that you feel don’t apply to your situation? For example, if you are not entertaining adoption or living child-free as options right now, did you skip those parts? If you read them, did you discover anything about those options that you hadn’t understood prior to reading the book?

Actually, I feel kind of guilty. I skipped most of the parts discussing the different procedures, or options that I am not yet looking into. I find that I get overwhelmed with all the "possibilities" surrounding infertility. It still hurts to think that these are options that I may have to consider. It took me 4 years before I had the courage to try IUI. I'm still stuck on the thought that this was not supposed to happen to me. So I guess I figured those parts of the book were not applicable. Yet.

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens ( You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: Moose by Stephanie Klein.

(ETA: I'm sorry I haven't got to anyone's blogs yet to comment. I been taking care of my Dad all week, and by the time I get home I am too exhausted to even think of blogging. He has all but lost the use of his right leg, and we are just waiting for his surgery to repair a back injury. He is very down, and scared to death so I've been trying to keep his spirits up. I am not avoiding anyone, and I really am going to comment, it's just that family comes first. I'm sure you understand. Please be patient with me. I promise to get to them all soon. Thanks!)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Show and Tell

Last week, my mom found a bunch of pictures and emailed some of them to me. Most were of nothing in particular, just my brother and I playing at different stages in our lives.
As I scanned through the massive file she sent, this one stood out to me. Why, you ask? Well, for no obvious reason, other than the 10 minute flashback that made my stomach turn, and face turn fuchsia.
Instantly, I was 6 years old again trick-or-treating with my cousins down the street that they lived on. Their street was on a hill and we were walking down the hill to get to the houses that gave out the BIG candy bars. Now, what may not be completely obvious at first glimpse of this photo, is that my pants were stuffed with QUEEN SIZED SHEETS, and other miscellaneous items of clothing; anything my mom could fit in there (it was a VERY last minute costume). As I tried to keep up with my cousins and their friends going down the hill, my 2ton pants crashed down around my ankles, not only making me waddle even worse, but also forcing me to lose my balance. The worst part of the whole experience was the fact that once my pants dropped, I couldn't reach to pull them back up! So there I was, in the middle of the sidewalk amongst 50,000 kids with Rainbow Bright grinning at the passerby's... from my underwear.
Most 6-year-old's would probably have just laughed and got their pants back up while yelling to the rest of the crowd, "Did you see that?!", but NOT ME! I was the type of child that waited by the dryer when my mom did laundry so that I could rescue my skivvy's before they could see the light of day, or worse... my mom could see them!!! THE TERROR!!! Actually, I'm pretty amazed I didn't pass out from the overwhelming panic and humiliation that instantly grasped me when gravity decided to pants me. Hmmm, now that I think of it, perhaps this was a turning point for me...
So there you have it. One of my most embarrassing moments EVER! And I say that as a 27-year-old woman. I know, I'm pathetic.
Wanna see what else is being shown today? Head on over to to read and then add your own show and tell.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Take that, Webster!

I am an incredibly private person when it comes to a particular part of my life, namely my sex life. That thing that is between myself and my husband, that I do not discuss with anyone else. Information that I completely refuse to divulge, even if it has a pregnancy riding on its coattails. And that, my friends, is all you will hear about it. While this post will be strictly dedicated to the "s" word, I have a new spin on things. Well, at least I think it's new.

Secks. Yep, that's what I really want to define. So here's my best attempt:

n, (abbr. "ck")

1. An activity in which it is intended for sperm to meet egg in a biological fashion. The sole purpose is procreation without assistance from medically developed sources. (i.e. artificial insemination, in-vitro fertilization)

And there you have it. My contribution to the english language.

It has SO MANY applications! Really! All expectations are laid out there in the open. This is where it is completely acceptable to pair the word "just" with this intimate act; as in "it was just secks". You can't say, "it was just sex"! Sex is, (at least to me) a completely emotional expression of love that one only engages in as an expression of deep respect and adoration. It has absolutely nothing to do with science or reproduction (although some get lucky and actually get pregnant this way...). In fact, I am officially banning science from sex. The two are no longer allowed to be related. Period. Secks and science on the other hand, is completely different.

This way, there is no need to tippy-toe around anything. You can inform your husband that, "Hey, I got a positive on my OPK today. We need to have ck tonight and tomarrow morning to increase our chances." This is a clear message of what is expected; nothing fancy. No candlelights or soft music, no sweet-nothings being whispered to one another. It is something that HAS to be done if you want to get pregnant the old fashioned way. Ck is not something where you can say you're "not in the mood", use the headache excuse, or complain that you have to get up early the next morning. This is CK! It is non-negotiable! Because, really, how many times have you had one of those days, you know the ones... car broke down, dog ran away, your best friend announced she's expecting, and your husband did something that REALLY pissed you off. And to top it all off, you had a major temp. dip this morning, and a glaringly positive OPK. Lovely. You are totally NOT IN THE MOOD, and the last thing you want to do it miss out on your precious sleep. Well, no problem! This is just secks! The very definition of "wham-bam-thankyouma'am!" Crisis averted.

It's okay. I know your stunned silence is only perpetuated by your overwhelming gratitude. Glad I could help.