Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Do you ever just feel defeated? Like the universe is plotting against you in every imaginable way? I swear that hours are disappearing from my day, gremlins are destroying my house, and my daughter's 21st birthday is just around the corner.

Lately I have felt so low. I really don't think I can take one more thing, ya know? Last night, another SIL announced that she is expecting. It was a kick in the stomach for me. I'm pretty sure I can handle one pregnancy in the family, but 2 may be too much. Especially with it being the first for both of them. I don't want to do anything to take the excitement away from them, and I want to let them enjoy every moment, but it is so hard for me to be around them and I know that they know why. I feel like a major joykill. Everyone is so excited for them that it is pretty much the main topic of conversation. It is simply more than I can take.

My last 2 cycles have been annovulatory. I have been back to my doctor and he has told me that my next step is injectables, but I'm not ready for that yet. I think that stress has played a big part in my not ovulating. There is so much going on in my life that I just don't have the energy to blog about, but it is slowly eroding me down to the core.

Please, God. Let this be my month, and please... no more announcements. Let life be boring for a while. I just can't take anymore!

1 comment:

JuliaS said...


I know its rough. Large, very fertile family - except for me. I wish I knew some wise words or something magical to make it all okay, but there isn't anything. I'm thinking of you, wishing you well, and I understand.

There will be better days ahead, there always are.