Thursday, February 4, 2010

Fat Lady or not, it's not over.

Pretty sure this cycle is a bust. I'm still getting stark white BFNs so I'm not even going to bother with the beta tomorrow. Honestly, if I were pregnant right now, I wouldn't want to know. Low numbers are worse than a negative, expecially knowing my history and what always follows them.

I thought I'd be a mess about it, but I'm not. Actually, I kind of feel like taking a victory lap. Afterall, I DID IT! I went through with the cycle, and the PIOs, and I didn't even die! Who'd have thunk? This "first" cycle was hard for me. So very, very hard. I was so scared that I was going to get pregnant, and have a complete repeat of Oct./Nov. I was almost planning on it. It may sound crazy, but I wouldn't be surprised if I have some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But - we're not going to dwell. I did it, damnit! I did not let this beat me.

So take that you sonofabitch, baby-stealing, heartbreaking, family-wrecking, mind-numbingly awful, infertility! I hate you! And I will do everything in my power to BRING YOU DOWN! You're not going to stop me! This bitch is on a roll!


AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Meim, I love reading your blog sooo much. Like, did you crawl into my mind and steal my thoughts or what? I am thinking the exact same things about this cycle-that it will be a repeat ectopic. You may have some form of PTSD-I have had it (mildly) after DD was born, because of an emergency c-sec following a placental abruption (fun!) You have been through soo much and I am so encouraged to see you facing down this infertility and knowing you won't be beaten! You are so right, low betas would be even worse than not knowing. Keep going, girl! Oh btw, am i silly or what, but I don't know what PIO's means? Anyway (((HUGS)))

JuliaS said...

Hooray Meim! You survived and still shouting "Bring it on"!

Getting back up is the hardest - but you did it, you picked yourself up off the ground and you got through, still standing. Now you know that you can survive - and there is strength in that.

Sending you all my best thoughts and prayers - for strength and success!!

You're my hero! :0)

Ashley said...

Oh girl, you always show a no-bones-about-it attitude, and I love your strength and determination, despite the negatives or positives. You are one amazing woman.

I say- Keep on keepin' on and go get 'em tiger and all that jazz!