Friday, June 18, 2010

Day 3... again

I had my baseline scan today. 6 antral follies on the left, 5 on the right. I start Femara tonight, and then will up my FSH this cycle ever so slightly from 112 units, to 137. Hopefully that will do the trick.

I saw yet ANOTHER RE in the practice today since Dr. H wasn't in. Dr. HH did my scan today. He is new to the clinic I am going to now, but he came here from my old clinic. Y'know... that clinic that I adore? The one that my beloved Dr. P practices at? Yeah, that one. As he did my scan, we talked about Dr. P and how lovely he is. We chuckled about the antics of my now retired OB, Dr.D, and his hilarious plan to open a "Fredrick's of Provo." (Oh, how I miss him. Come baaack Dr. D!) It was nice to talk to someone who is familiar with all of my previous doctors, and seemingly loves them just as much as I do. (For the record, Dr. HH switched clinics so that he was able spend more time with his patients and not have to worry so much about the teaching aspect that comes with working in a teaching hospital. He did not leave on bad terms.)

The bottom line: I am switching RE's again. Although I miss Dr. P very, very much, and will still probably end up back in his care at some point... I feel a bit of the same warmth from Dr. HH, as I get from Dr. P and I am certainly happy about that.


I am more than a little bummed to be starting another cycle of IF treatments. This weekend will be incredibly hard for me. Not only is it Father's Day weekend, but Monday is my would-be due date. Sunday we are going to spend time with the in-laws, which means lots and lots of babies. The babies that mine should have grown up with. The oldest and youngest (ours) would have been separated by less than 8 weeks. Now I look at them and see even more of what I lost. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being near them... just not this week. This week I want to remember MY baby and what should have been.

I think the worst part will be knowing that they have all forgotten. It is horrible to feel insignificant to those you love, but even worse when your children are forgotten.

It's just much too much this week. No more, please. I've had my fill.


BU said...

:( Sorry you're having a rough time. My sister and I were due last year 4 weeks apart and now her baby is 9 months old. I love her to pieces but it is bittersweet sometimes.
Glad you like the new RE though!

Annie said...

It's so hard seeing the shadows of what should have been and knowing that no one around you can see or even cares. Hoping this is the cycle for you!

Emily said...

Hey I'm finally checking in. You sent me a link a long time ago I guess. I think about you a lot and I hope you know I haven't forgotten you or your little ones. Love you tons. Hang in there.