Monday, October 13, 2008

Is today the day?

My beta is today. I am so nervous, and not really feeling all that great about it. I'm not sure if that's my gut instinct telling me that this won't end well, or if it's years of experience trying to protect me from the hurt and disappointment that comes with a negative result.

I hope that I get the surprise of a lifetime and that this 5 1/2 year struggle ends with this one last blood test.

I was really nervous yesterday because my temp dropped. I took it at a much earlier time than normal but it still got to me and I thought for sure that I was out. Today it went back up, so I have no idea what to think. And, because this is only my second cycle since the surgery, I still haven't figured out what pains and twinges mean AF is coming, and what are just normal everyday things. Before, the endometrioma would get larger as AF approached, and it always gave me a good 24 hr. warning. Now I feel like I'm dangling in the wind. I have no idea what to expect. I'm grateful for my BBT chart, because I'm pretty sure it will be my only indicator until I figure things out. I'm glad that my RE made such a big deal out of me using one. It has proved to be invaluable... nerve racking, but invaluable at the same time.

Well, I'm starting to ramble, must be the anxiety getting to me. Wish me luck!

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