Monday, September 13, 2010

The Flip Side

Last week was awful. I pretty much just let you all believe that it was all IF related, but there was a lot more happening, too. Here's the rundown:

Sunday: Have Dr. H threaten to cancel my cycle because of my illness.

Monday: Learn that DH's 31 year old cousin died in his sleep. We have no idea how.

Tuesday: Super painful monitoring appointment, followed by a late-night trigger.

Wednesday: I am told that LJ's hero, her kindergarten teacher Ms. M, has passed away. LJ is beyond devastated. (So am I.)

Thursday: Retrieval. Only 6 eggs.

Friday: Fert report. Dr. recommends 2-day transfer. I have a melt down. (We will have to miss Ms. M's funeral, which is heartbreaking to me.)

Saturday: Transfer. (Let's not talk any more about it, k?) That night, after visiting my friend and relaxing, I left for home at about 1:20 AM. But wait, where's my car? What's that, Mr. PoliceDispatcherMan? You say m car's been towed? Oh. Nice. The "perfect" ending to my "perfect" week. (It cost me$225 to get my car back. I am going to go after my friend's HOA to reimburse me. If they are going to implement a rule that you can't park on the streets after 1 AM, you should probably let the residents know, right?)

Sunday: Sit in bed and feel sorry for myself all day long.


The embryologist called me today. I love him.

Dr. R told me that I shouldn't pay any attention at all to the "grading" when it comes to my little MB. He said the only reason he didn't grade it "good" was because of some fragmenting. He told me that "many, many, many" times, embryos that are graded "fair", or even "poor" on day 2, become healthy Strong blastocysts by day 5, ("it happens ALL. THE. TIME!") and since we can't know what my embie will do, we might as well assume it will do great. :D :D :D :D When I said, "but fragmented embryos have a lower implantation rate, right?" he replied in a high pitched tone (and I imagined a scrunched up face...) "eeeeeeehhhhhhhhh." as if he wasn't all that convinced, and then redirected the topic. LOL! It made me laugh. He reminded me that women "my age" and with my FSH and AMH levels, have really great success rates with single embryo transfers. (I found one study done in the Netherlands that quoted rates in my age group as 72% vs. 76% for double embryo transfers. Granted, they all transferred blasts, but I am willing to overlook that little fact right now.) He was careful to tell me that it could go either way, as all cycles can, but he gave me a little ray of hope. He seemed very optimistic. He told me that embryo grading is very subjective, and not to worry about it.

Seriously, love him.

That whole conversation lightened my mood considerably. He didn't just sound like he was rooting for us, but he supported his statements with facts. He spent a good 30 minutes discussing it with me. I feel so much better! Especially considering that for most of my cycle I was leaning toward a single embryo transfer anyway! It wasn't until the end when a nurse gave us a few more stats that I started to think transferring 2 was a possibility.

So, there you have it. Monday brought me a not-so-small miracle. I have a bit of hope. That's right. I said it. HOPE. I am still suuuuper nervous, and not at all delusional about this being a for sure thing, but at least now I actually believe it's 50/50.

Thank you, Dr. R. You can soooo come to my birthday!


AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Oh no!! I am so sorry for both of your losses, how horrible. And I can't believe it about your car. I am so relieved there was a flip side though! I had been thinking about you for the last few days and was just about to email you basically exactly what the embryologist said!! (In my own way-so not an expert here!) So that is fantastic news. I hope you are doing Ok on the heparin and PIO and holding onto that hope!! Yay :) You so deserve some good news! Love you

Ashley said...

aha! HOPE! You heard my words and the doctor's! Thank you. Now, keep that hope high for little MB. Sounds like everyone in your house needs a does of it. Sorry for all the drama. When it rains, it pours, huh?
Bring on the rain and the hope; you can totally handle it all!
Love ya, friend!

Annie said...

What a week! It's amazing how much extra stuff gets piled on when you're already in a tough spot. So glad to hear that hope still has a place in the middle of it all, though!